This made me chuckle when I read it on The Huffington Post: Things You Will NEVER Hear at a Band Sound Check:

…

From the guitarist

• Of course I can play quieter.
• Turn up the singer’s mic. She’s our real focal point.
• The drums need to be louder. MUCH louder.
• No thanks. I don’t drink.

From the drummer

• Yeah, that was me speeding up. Sorry.
• Wait. I need to check my charts.
• No thanks. I don’t drink.

From the bass player

• Thanks for adjusting the amp while I was gone. It sounds way better now.
• Hey, can someone get these groupies outta here?
• No thanks. I don’t drink.

From the sound crew:

• The sound plot you emailed last month? I have it right here.
• We’ll be happy to help you load in.
• Wow, thanks. I could really use your help running the board.
• Take as long as you like to get your guitar sound perfect
• Go ahead and move the mic’s wherever you want them.
• No thanks. I don’t drink.

You can read the full post here – yes, there is more :). How the lip we get as bass players! But more seriously, what have been your best and worst sound check experiences, and what makes a sound check go more smoothly?